Intention

 The good news is that I am down 17 pounds, having weighed in at the hospital, one month after surgery on Thursday, September 14th.

I sabotage my healing, not intentionally, but intentionally because if I were more intentional, I would not have painful episodes.  Take for instance, that same Thursday, the 14th. I attended my first event where I will have lunch and in my mind, I will have the usual hotel fare - chicken.  But it wasn't that kind of meal.  Instead we had offerings of pinwheel sandwiches, turkey and beef.  I don’t eat turkey, so without thinking I choose the beef, unwrapping the pin wheel and eating just the roast beef.  That was insanity!  I am only allowed soft meats and no matter how thin that beef was and how I chewed each bite 20 plus times, it went down as saw dust, with sprinkling of splinters.  

Did I have choices?  Yes.  I could have ordered in, could have gone to the bar and ordered a meal from there.  I could have left to find food elsewhere.  Not eating was not an option.  I have been down that road before, but it would have been a better option than the beef.

Now even if I had reached the next phase where I reintroduce foods I have not eaten in a while, I have been warned that beef should be the last thing to be brought back.  That beef tore up my stomach that day, the evening into the next morning!  Friday evening, my stomach started to spasm.  I have talked about agony in prior posts, however, nothing compared to this.  I told my daughter, who was visiting, that if the pain and spasm didn’t subside in a half hour (this is after two hours) she would have to take me to the emergency room.  Somehow my bowels almost always hear my desperate cries, because shortly after, I received relief, not as a sonic boom this time, but like a water burst.

I am on a mission to being kind to myself, by intention.  

And still I have no regrets!

I have changed up the dress for comparison going forward.  This dress is an XL, imagine that!  It looks like it fits, but pay attention to the side view and pocket.  It will be a true fit when the pockets no longer show.