Wednesday, May 27, 2020

How Are You Really Feeling?

Guest Author, Dawn Patterson

Prior to the Pandemic on 2/28/20 I had surgery which was successful and quite a relief.  On 3/2/ my birthday rolled around and I was super grateful to see another year. My family and friends celebrated with me at different times with some trepidation since The Corona (Iyanla Vanzant’s term) was hovering over us.  New Rochelle became the first epicenter and was under quarantine.  This was hitting very close to home and everyone was cautious, anxious and willing to comply with the new rules and regulations being put in effect.  Washing hands, distancing, and wearing masks became the order of the day.

During this time my cousin Gail was with me assisting me during my recuperation and giving emotional and moral support. After being with me for about a month she returned to her home in Virginia and had to do a two week self quarantine.

After her departure, I was doing alright being alone since I live alone so that was not a difficult transition.  I missed the company but I was alright.  I also missed going to my scheduled activities, but was still coping with the stay at home orders.  I found new adventures as I explored new neighborhoods and I thoroughly enjoyed the new sights.

On May 1st, I took a chance and spent the night out visiting with my son and his family.  They invited me and I found it difficult to say no.  I struggled with that decision and made the best of it.  It was a nice change of pace for all.

On Mother’s Day I was again put to the test and was very indecisive about spending it with my family in their backyard.  We masked up, greeted each other with elbow and foot taps.  The weather cooperated and we enjoyed our rare meeting these days.

One girlfriend, Eze, the energizer bunny, has been very generous preparing dishes and delivering them, she termed the outings drop and roll. What a treat!  Of course the other energizer bunny, Heather has also been dropping and rolling vittles.  You would not believe she had recently suffered severely from the Rona.  Giving thanks she came through after a rough experience.

Then the girls got on the Zoom kick and we visit on Fridays at 6.00Pm until….  We dress up, prepare snacks and chit chat.  Then Heather threw a birthday Zoom bash which was so welcomed and was the bomb.

I am also meeting with a knitting group via Zoom, this has been met with some challenges but it’s happening.

Then on 5/17, the governator, coined by our Cece, his biggest fan asked “How are you really feeling?”  It was at that time that I was able to allow myself to identify that I was feeling quite depressed.  How dare I feel depressed, I asked myself as I reflected on all that I had to be grateful for, my surgery was successful,  I had food, family, friends and a home to be sheltered in place.  I did not get any signs or symptoms of the Corona.  Our friend Heather survived it and our friend Cece buried her beloved husband, Larry.  We all felt that Larry belonged to us as well! This really hit home!  We were all in shock; but had to stay strong for Cece.  Knowing someone who had succumbed to the virus really registered how horrific it was.

How dare I feel depressed? But I had the symptoms gnawing at me for a while. I had to move into gear to combat these feelings and so I reached out to people to check in with them which immediately took the focus off me.  I gave myself permission to go through the feelings, I wrote about it in my journal, I read more self help and spiritual literature.  I prayed and counted my blessings.  I did some YouTube exercise videos and did more walking meditations.

Today I am feeling much better; recognizing and admitting the feelings has helped.  I know they will come again because it isn’t over yet and we are going to be in this new normal for a while.  I did not want to share it with my network because we are all in the same boat.  I also focused on the fact that our ancestors survived worse pandemics and survived! And so it is! Grit your teeth and get through this with everyone who I am sure is having some feelings of depression.


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